A Writing Tale
by XxkrystalkeeperxX
Summary: Something strange happens to Jessie and Walt one winters night.    A crackfic I wrote for my friends Year of the Dragon celebration, I'll get back to serious work soon enough.


The first and second sentences of this story contain an error; this sentence will not be counted as a sentence.

Jessie awoke in his folding chair covered in sweat, heart pounding like a miniature triangle. He had a terrible nightmare that Walt had died from a speed overdose

The error in the sentences was referring to Jessie as a He, for all intents and purpose Jessie Pinkman was now Jessica Pinkgirl .

He did not know he became a svelte blonde that would make Hilary Duff run for her money but he knew that his darkest fantasies were now won step closer to becoming realites. Jessica had had a crush on Walt ever since he had seen pale white strands on his head that were easier to be likened to a dying spiders starved final web than actual human hair. The sickly sweaty meat sack that Walt's mind inhabited could not even be called a body. The most advance medical supplies in the world would have trouble distinguishing between Walt's body and a flesh colored weather balloon filled with festering animal fat, gallons of sweat with the acidic taste of dead skin, and a putrid mixture of butter that has been repeatedly melted inside a broken microwave then refrozen in an open air fridge with a maggot infested parrot sitting in the ice maker, repeated for a hundred cycles, after which the butter is mixed with festering turds from Walts diet, which was Snapple brand pink lemonade mixed with water from mexico used by a obese 12 year old to shower with, and all he ate was extra spicy Cheetos.

These hot thoughts were setting Jessica's mind on fire with lust, but the lust was soon extinguished when she saw that not only she had magically shifted forms overnight. Walt stepping into the room wearing nothing but a squalid black towel left nothing to her flaring imagination. Walt's new body was so radically different that comparing the levels of transformation that occurred between the two, was like a bee becoming an assassin bug, and a baby rabbit turning into a chitin lined beast with tentacles for teeth, towering above all the zebras of Australia, feasting on the feces bloated bowels of an innocent young women trying to find her way in the big city, only to fall prey to that which watched her in the dark.

Yes my astute reader, nothing was left to Jessica's imagination even though Walt was wearing a black towel, because Walt had turned into a black man. The bitter irony was not lost to Walts feeble mind,he struggled for several minutes deciding his new name. Walter White soon was lost to an eternal void and the dark monstrosity that replaced him in space was known as DeAndre Black.

DeAndre licked his gigantic grape chapstick covered lips as he surveyed the unconscious body of the man once known as Jessie. Although he was a mans man, the petite body was near enough that of a 14 year old skinny boy that he could be attracted to it. Although DeAndre was a member of the Kool Kastrati Karolers ( A Christian focused singing group for those who had vasectomies) he was still able to muster up the human emotions required to feel the dark (no pun intented) romance between him and Jessica. He walked over to her unconscious body, and as he picked her up he began to sing a lullaby his father sang to him many moons ago.

"Down around the corner

Half a mile from here

I saw your eyes

And you made me smile

And I just called to say I love you

And I'd do anything for love

Anything you've been dreaming of

But I just wont do that"

And with the final words of his fathers secret lullaby, Tyrone (which was Walts middle name) threw Jessica onto his Persian silk bed with cashmere curtains. Jessica awoke in a start covered sweat with bile from her own lungs on her throat. This was because Jessica had a terrible virus that she had gotten from the maggot infested urine soaked blood drenched bed that DeAndre had carelessy hurled her onto, or into, seeing as the most powerful scientists in asia could not possibly decide whether the bed was a solid or liquid. But when Jessica tried to get up and escape from the hell of horrors that was Tyrones disgusting bed. She slipped on what she thought was a bannanna peel and landed face first in a foul rotting smelly festering cat corpse, covered in clumpy grey fur that seemed to be moving of it's own accord, but was actually just populated by millions of microscopic blowfly larva becoming excited at the new potential Christmas feast coming so close to their humble home.

Jessica opened her mouth widely to scream, her dry lips cracking like plastic left in the sun for 12 years, but instead of a childish scream bursting forth like a torrent of sound, a diluted pathetic fart noise escaped her throat as her face was pushed into the cat and maggot slurry. DeAndre had reneted the room and mistakenly stepped on Jessicas head as he looked for his pet chicken Filbert, Jessicas pathetic scream as the killing maggots slipped into her throat like a Vitamin D capsule washed down with powdered milk. Only once it was to late did DeAndre nothic that he had killed his one true love in the world. Gather Jessicas beaten body in his arms, Tyrone let out a skyward scream as Jessicas heart stopped beating, as Andre put the double barreled sawed off shotgun under his jaw, he thought back not to his family, his dog , or his time as a black man, He thought back to When he was Walter White, And Jessica was Jessie Pinkman. Those memories were truly the greatest moments he had ever lived.

And with tears streaming down his dark dark face, Tyrone pulled the trigger on his 24 gauge and blew his miniscule brain out the back of his bald skull.

High in the sky above the two corpses in the ghetto house, an incredibly powerful force stroked his chin. "So this is the story of how they died." He mused and he put the final words into the final page of his notebook. He stepped toward a gigantic shelf, filled with millions of similar notebooks, and placed it near the bottom. The saga of DeAndre was over, and so a new one begins

Fin.


End file.
